Bad Idea
by EE's Skysong
Summary: Rahne, Tabby, and Amara all have a crush on Kurt. Problem? Yes... especially since they're supposed to be on a stealth mission. A QUIET stealth mission. Kurt's coming after me. With his balls. He's coming after all of us. With his balls.


Disclaimer: "Just put the dumplings in the pot, leave them to boil, and then watch them take over the world!"

(An: This is my favorite from the Nutboard challenge I did. Basically, you picked people, a place, and a topic for them to discuss and I wrote the fic. It was fun, and this was definitely the most.)

Logan must've been having a bad day, because he put Tabitha, Amara, and Rahne all on the same team. Bad idea. He knew that they didn't get along, but this was taking the whole "your-teamwork-needs-work-so-you'll-work-on-it" thing too far.

Why didn't they get along? Well, Rahne couldn't stand Amara, because, since she was superstitious, she was scared of werewolves (even ones as friendly as Rahne) and thus turned her better-than-thou attitude all the way on. Rahne also didn't like Tabitha because A) she'd defected several times, and B) she was irresponsible. Usually, Tabby and Amara got on well enough, but not today... because all three of them happened to have not-so-little crushes on Kurt.

Three girls at each others throats for the same beau on a secret mission? Not good. Not good at all.

The premise of the mission was for the New Recruits to succesfully avoid the senior X-men and get to home: the mansion, in other words. If the X-person managed to tag them with the sticky balls they'd been given, then the newbies would lose and have punishment duty with Logan for a week. Not pretty.

"Think about it, 'Mara," Tabby whispered, as they slithered through the forest, trying not to make too much noise. "Kurt's coming after me. With his balls."

"He's coming after **all** of us," Amara agreed. "With his balls."

"You guys are perverted," Rahne said, looking squicked.

"You just can't handle Kurt. And his balls," Tabby responded.

"I have to agree, Tabs, that **is** really sick... but it's kind of interesting, too," said Amara, cocking her head.

"I can so handle Kurt," said Tabby, who really hadn't been listening to her. "**And** his balls."

"We're supposed to be trying to get to the mansion!" Rahne shriek-hissed, turning very red. "**Not** discussing Kurt's... you know."

Tabby jabbed her in the side with her elbow, smirking. "Come on, we both know you want Kurt as much as me and 'Mara do."

"So what if I do! It has nothing to do with the fact that we're going to get **caught** if we just keep standing here!"

Tabby and Amara rolled their eyes in pretty good imitations of each other. "Denial," they both agreed.

"I am NOT," said Rahne, voice quite near a normal shriek now, "denying I like Kurt! 'Cause I do! And so do you guys! As much as I do! Can I help it if I don't want to spend my next week with you two having Logan bark orders in my face!"

The other two girls blinked. Clearly thoughts of Kurt and his sticky balls of doom had swept any others from their mind. "Oh, good point," Tabby agreed.

"As good as a point as **you**," royal sniff, "can make," Amara added.

Rahne shot them death glares and went wolf for a moment, sniffing. "There isn't anybody about," she said, shifting back. "But we should still get moving."

The other two shrugged and headed after her, Tabby still clearly thinking of Kurt's balls.

_Nobody ever looks up_, Kurt thought smugly, nestled happily in a tree, balls close at hand. The sticky ones, naturally. He'd gotten Ray, Roberto, Jubilee, and Bobby since choosing to hide up here. It was working quite well. There was a rustle in the grass below. He peered down, seeing the three remaining female New Recruits pass by. Kurt smirked and retreated farther into the greenery, the better to hide his scent.

"Where are we?" Amara asked, picking leaves from her hair.

"Uh..." said Rahne.

Amara stopped short and whirled on her companions. "You mean you don't know?"

"I was following you," Rahne replied.

"Oh, dear," said Amara.

Kurt, from his perch, snickered softly. He could wait a bit to tag them. This was too funny to end early.

He, of course, regretted that as soon as Tabitha snapped out of her trance.

"So, do you think that the sticky balls are anatomically correct?" Tabby suddenly asked.

"WHAT!" Rahne and Amara demanded.

"Well, you know," said Tabitha, looking thoughtful, "they're about this big, right?" She held her fingers about an inch apart. "So... how does Kurt compare to them, doyouthink?"

Both girls tilted back their heads.

"Oh, my," said Rahne, her eye twitching.

Kurt blinked. Were they really discussing what he thought they were discussing? Ok, this **definitely** merited further observation.

"Tabby, for five minutes, could you get your brain **off** Kurt's balls and onto what we're doing now?" Rahne cried, the tic still going.

"You say that, but you want to discuss it as much as I do."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

"Well, then, what is it?" Amara asked.

"The point is we're going to have punishment duty with Logan! LOGAN!"

"And I'm saying talking about Kurt's balls is more fun than discussing Logan and the stick up his ass," Tabby put in.

"I thought Scott was the one with the stick," said Amara, cocking her head.

"Logan's is bigger," said Tabby, with the utter authority of someone "who knows."

"Man, even talking about Kurt's balls is better than talking about Scott's ass," Rahne mumbled, looking squicked again.

"See! HA!" Tabby cried, whirling on her. "You DO want to talk about Kurt's balls!"

"I've been saying that!" Rahne agreed, trying to be quiet. "I just don't think a **stealth** mission is the best place to be discussing it!"

"She's got a point, you know," said a familiar voice, from the trees. "I've been watching you all argue long enough to tag you about twenty times... speaking of tagging."

Plop, plop, plop, and the three Newbies got to experience the joy of Kurt's balls. The sticky ones.

"And, _meine Damen,_" Kurt added, hanging upside down from his tree, "the only person who has permission to discuss my balls is my **girlfriend**. Who none of you are." He tipped them a cheeky two-fingered salute and headed off.

"I told you discussing Kurt's balls was a bad idea," said Rahne, blinking.

(;) I'm still willing to do a few of these if anyone's interested.)


End file.
